That’s the way the cookie crumbles

Here’s a break from the melancholy tone for you all. I mean, this is funny stuff. Some “The Real L Word,” level shit here so… you’re welcome.
To begin, blue eyes comes for a visit. Her eyes match the lake, and for a brief time I forget about everything. We rented a car, felt waterfalls, and saw mountains. Came close to bears, goats, and eagles. It was refreshing and honest, but it wasn’t the same, and when she left I had a moment of panic, because maybe love would never be that exciting rush of closeness again.
I felt this smothering sense of guilt over potentially leading this amazing woman on, and a lingering feeling of selfishness over the possibility of hurting someone.

But we talked everyday. We managed the distance, I fell asleep on skype, we watched tv, and just spent time together. I loved it. Part of me simply enjoyed having someone to share my day with on a different level, part of me just wanted it to be Soph, and a small part of me was excited that maybe in the future this could turn into something good- if, of course, I could ever get my mind turned off of the last girl.

Enter L, the exciting, adventurous friend of mine who also lives in Lake and is also on the queer side of things. She swooped in and spent time with blue eyes and myself the entire time she was visiting. To be clear, I like L. She’s an interesting, intelligent, hilarious individual who just kills life.

Today, to my surprise, (or not to my surprise because I’m pretty good at picking up on these things) I found out that L and blue eyes have kindled a bit of a romance.

I don’t know whether to be relieved that the pressure is off of me, annoyed that blue eyes has literally been stolen right out from under me, upset that our short lived fling is over, or just plain confused over what type of weird three-way love triangle just unfolded before my eyes.

I was entirely honest with all parties that I wasn’t ready for any type of commitment, but emotions are funny, unpredictable things. And at the moment a mixture of all types of emotions are taking turns- and I’m left, with my hands in the air, wondering “what the fuck just happened?”

Swift retreat for Raff. Let me tell you.

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